I am not a coffee drinker, generally. I am one of those supercilious types who sips on green tea while others pollute their bodies. As I write, a large cup of Lipton peppermint and cinnamon tea is steaming away by my keyboard. However, occasionally, when no-one is looking, I do indulge in the odd latte.Sunday afternoon was just such an occasion. On the way home from a wedding, as I scampered across Victoria station juggling a couple of bags and a slight hangover, Delice de France caught my eye (or my nostrils).
I ordered a brie and bacon croissant and a latte. "A regular latte?" asked the man. Yes, a regular latte. The more-than-£5 bill was a bit of a shocker, but hey, it's London.
And
then
came
the
coffee.
The man behind the counter put the crane into gear and started cranking. Slowly, my coffee rose into view. The counter groaned as it took the weight. I shouldered my bags and with both hands, reached out to lift the cup. As I took possession, my muscles trembled under the strain. Finally, a passing security chap, resplendent in fluorescent yellow, hailed one of those beeping cars, which eventually transported me and my swimming pool of coffee to platform 18.
Well, something like that, anyway.
"Regular". Are you serious?
Let me read to you from the OED, Delice de France.
regularSo how big is an average, medium, standard, regular coffee? Well call me old-fashioned, but shouldn't this be... umm... the regular size you make at home? Y'know, an average cup. A normal one, if you will. Say about 10 ounces? So then a 'small' would be perhaps 8oz and a large would be 12oz. But no. I am pretty sure that I was given a good 16oz of latte – that, fellow pedants, is a pint. A pint!
denoting merchandise, especially food or drink, of average, medium or standard size
Now I admit that I shouldn't have fallen for the old "a regular latte?" marketing trick. But still. This is silly. One pint of coffee and milk is not regular. In fact, I would argue that it is highly irregular. Most of it was milk, so... that's the best part of 261 calories and 9.1 grams of fat. If I'd known that, I'd have gone for chocolate cake instead, dammit.
Political parties listen up! First one to promise legislation on appropriate use of adjectives of size gets my vote. No more primo, medio and massimo, Costa. No more tall, grande and venti, Starbucks. No more ridiculous regulars, Delice. C'mon, Mr Brown, Mr Cameron, Mr Clegg. Last one there's a Tory!
Googling my plight, I discovered this post from a disgruntled Starbucks customer protesting against being made to say 'venti'. Very funny.
I always ask to see the cup before ordering!
ReplyDeleteHate to pick you up on how many ounces in a pint, dammit what the heck, but last time I looked it was 20. Which reminds me of an incident recently when I wandered into a bar with my son and asked for a pint of lager for him and half a guiness me. A rather superior bartender said he couldn't do that but I could have 16 ounces of guiness and my son would be allowed only a half of lager??!!
ReplyDeleteWe looked at each in incredulity then noticed the extensive menu - cocktail menu. On the very last page guiness, lager and a couple other reprobates were listed in an almost apologetic way. Well he saw off his lager in super quick time and I left my 'almost pint' half drunk and left making mental notes to be more observant in future when entering what one might think to be an ordinary public house.
Bugger! And I'd used a converter, too. An American one, as it turns out. So there are 16 ounces to a pint in the US and 20 in the UK. Well I never.
ReplyDeleteAs for hating to pick me up on it... liar!